Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Comfort of Chocolaty, Chewy Goodness

I try to take care of my body as much as possible. I eat good things, try to exercise as much as I'm able to, and try to keep the junk to a minimum. But sometimes, life throws you a day that requires the comfort of only one thing. Chocolate. Preferably, chewy chocolate of some form or another. Usually a day like that calls for brownies. But it's been hot here lately, and I have no desire to heat this place up any more than it already is. So, today I settled on chocolate peanut butter no bake cookies. You CAN cook the chocolate mixture on the stove. But that would also heat up the house. So, I decided to use my microwave for these.

1 1/3 cup sugar
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup milk
a pinch of salt
3 cups quick oats
1/2 cup chunky peanut butter (smooth peanut butter is a mortal sin around this house!)
1 tsp vanilla

Place sugar, cocoa, butter, milk, and salt in a large, microwave safe bowl. Microwave on high for 3 1/2 minutes. Stir until just combined. Microwave, again, on high for 3 1/2 minutes.

Add oats, peanut butter and vanilla. Stir until just combined.

Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto wax paper and allow to cool. You will have chocolaty, chewy deliciousness faster if you allow them to cool in the fridge! :)

I have found the secret to perfect no bakes, lies partly in not stirring too much. If you over stir, you will end up with dry, chalky cookies. :P You don't want that. So stir just until combined and everything that should be melted is, in fact, melted. And then STOP!

Don't forget to leave yourself some of the chocolaty, oaty goodness in the bowl to enjoy warm, away from the kids in a locked room! :D Enjoy!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Times of Reflection

As you can see, I've done a little changing to my blog. There is new music, new wall paper, new colors... I have enjoyed summer, and the heat that comes with it (my leg muscles do NOT like the cold). But I am looking forward to the changing of seasons.

I love fall. Mount Ogden rests behind my home, and I enjoy watching the hillsides become alive with changing colors as I wash dishes, clean up my kitchen, help kids with homework, and make meals and treats. I missed it last year. By the time I got home from the hospital the colors were gone. One more thing I missed out on. But aside from the bright, changing colors, I also enjoy the crisp in the air. It's not hot, but not cold either. Vegetables are harvested, canning is completed, meals change from sandwiches, salads, and grilled meats and veggies, to stews, soup, chili, roast and potatoes. We pull out our sweaters and jackets. And we pull out the throws and blankets, and snuggle together as we watch tv in the evenings. We prepare for the long, cold months ahead by making our homes into cozy places to retreat to.

We also send children, and maybe even ourselves back to school. In our house, the boys are heading off to 1st and 4th grade, Elizabeth is going to preschool 3 days a week, and Corey is preparing for his last semester and graduation. I had thought about going back to school this year, and taking just one class while Libby was in school. In the end I decided I wanted to give myself at least one more year to get better at walking before trying to get around a busy college campus -- especially in the ice and snow. I'm okay with it. I plan to use the time when I have no children at home to get my home better organized, and then maybe learn some new skills, such as crocheting, or knitting, or even using it as a time when I can actually play the piano in peace. :) I actually may spend time with the piano, since pedaling is good therapy for my ankles.

August is still summer, and it's still hot, and I'm enjoying it. But I think of August as the prep month for fall. I update everyone's wardrobes, get new school supplies, get ready to start canning and freezing veggies and fruit, and sometimes even start on some things, I get kids ready to begin a new soccer season, and this year, Libby will start dance lessons.

I tend to recognize the beginning of the school year as a time to sit down and set goals for myself, the kids, and the family as a whole, rather than New Years. It's also a time when I look back over the previous year and ask myself what things I did that were good, and what needs to be improved upon.

As far as what I did that was good, I feel like I climbed a mountain this year. I'm not quite to the top just yet, but I have climbed a significant portion, and I'm proud of myself. I have found that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. Still... there is always room for improvement.

I think I have decided that since I am not going back to school this year, I am going to use this year to become closer to my Father in Heaven and His Gospel. I have felt Him so close to me through this past, very hard year, and I still fall short in so many areas. I want to make reading my scriptures and the Ensign a habit. I want to become more diligent in my prayers. I want to be a better journal writer (through this whole experience, this past year, not once have a stopped to write any of it down in a designated place. It's all scattered everywhere! And I hope that it is something that I can continue to learn from, and my children and their children as well). I also want to become a better spiritual teacher to my children. And I want to go back to the temple. I haven't been since before I went to the hospital almost a year ago.

I also want to continue in trying to take better care of myself, get rid of the excess pounds, stop putting so much junk into my body, and using my body to be as active as I possibly can. Never again do I want to take the body that I have been blessed with for granted.

Going back to school is not the only thing going on around here this month that makes one stop and reflect. I have now been in my calling -- Ward Music Specialist and Choir Director -- for a year. I am enjoying it and have some ideas for improving the choir that I plan to implement in the next month or so. Sometimes I do miss being the performer. I would rather sing with the choir than lead it any day. But I am still grateful for the opportunity I've been given to run the choir this past year. I have gained some leadership skills, and have been drawn out of my shell a little bit.

On August 19th, my sweetheart and I celebrate 11 years of eternal marriage. I think if this past year doesn't break us, nothing ever will. We don't always agree with each other, but our love for each other is as firm as steel. He has been so good to me this past year, and I can't say how much I appreciate having a worthy priesthood member in my home. It makes such a difference.

Finally, August 20th will be one year since I was affected by Transverse Myelitis. I still find it ironic that it happened the day after my wedding anniversary last year. We don't really know what we are doing that weekend yet. I just don't want to be given much of a chance to dwell on my situation, so I told my dh that whatever we are doing, we won't be home. He actually has been asked to help work on a film the evening of the 19th and the morning of the 20th in Alta. So we will probably go out there for the night, and then ..... I don't know.... What exactly is out in that area??? We may head back to Salt Lake to spend another night. We'll have to see. If you suddenly became paralyzed when no accident or anything like that was involved, and then spent the next year learning how to dress yourself, learning how to get around in a wheelchair, learning how to transfer to a bed to a wheelchair, learning how to catheterize yourself, learning how to stand, learning how to walk with a walker, progressing to two forearm crutches, and then to one, and then finally walking around short distances with no assistance and using a cane the rest of the time???? How do you celebrate that? It's a major feat. I feel like the day needs to have some time spent in remembrance. But it also needs to be a celebration of all I've accomplished... I need to think on that for a while...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Good Things to Come

When I am having a hard day, and feel that the trials I've been dealt is too much to bear, I listen to this talk. I have such a love for Brother Holland. He is a magnificent speaker, and this if my current favorite talk of his.


Remember:

"Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

-- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Friday, July 30, 2010

Something New! I'm Excited!

I got on my library's website today to reserve a book, but before I did that, I decided to take a look at their events calendar. It's been down for a while, and I noticed it was back up. They do a lot of movie days, and the kids have enjoyed doing that in the past, so I thought I would see what they were planning on showing over the next few weeks. As I was looking around I found a new even that I'd never seen before. It was called "Gentle Movements". It is available at the library on Thursday mornings as a way to "Improve your mobility, balance, stability and strength during this low-impact, gentle exercise class."

I haven't been to physical therapy since the beginning of summer. My insurance company refused to pay for anymore visits. My physical therapist works at a small gym and I was able to buy 12 supervised open gym visits, that I used. I went when I wanted to without making appointments. My therapist was able to keep an eye on me and suggest new things to be doing. But eventually, I got so I didn't want to go anymore. I was tired of fitting it into my life. And about 90% of the things I was doing were things I was able to do at home anyway. I couldn't see paying the money again. So, I quit going.

I still have been doing things on my own. There is a track at my kids' school that has a sidewalk going down the parking lot halfway through the track, and I've been walking that most days. It's convenient because if I feel like I'm getting too tired to make it all the way around the track, I can just do half of it. I also have been using the "Chair Aerobics for Everyone" DVD. Then in the evenings after the kids are in bed and the house is quiet, I do crunches, bridges, modified push ups and some simple balance exercises while I watch tv.

But I would still like the input of another person to suggest new ways of working toward better mobility, stability and balance. My strength is great. The nurses in the hospital couldn't believe how strong I was. I don't worry about that. But strength only goes so far when you don't have the balance or stability to go with it. My favorite word in the whole world is "free", so when I saw this I was intrigued.

It turned out that my library card had expired anyway, and I was unable to reserve the book I wanted. So, I called the library to take care of it. While I was on the phone, I asked about the class. I told the librarian about my situation, and asked if he happened to know whether the class would be good for someone like me. He was very encouraging. He said that most of the people who come to the class are senior citizens who are trying to increase their mobility, or people who have had injuries.

So, I think I will go and check it out on Thursday and see what I think. If I like it and can find someone to watch Elizabeth during that hour, I will go to it every week. I think I can handle something like this once a week and then do what I learn there at home the rest of the week.

I told my mom about it, and unless I can't find anyone else to watch Libby for me, she's going to come with me, since she's been having some difficulty with her balance as well. Awesome! I'm really excited to have found this. I am so grateful to have access to such an awesome library that make opportunities such as this, and Discovery Time, and the chess club that Johnathan enjoys, and free movies, etc available for free to the public. What a wonderful resource!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Goal

I can walk. I don't have very good balance, so I use a cane when I'm not home. I also don't have much endurance. I am beginning to walk faster, but that depends on how much energy I have. I do most things by myself, and rarely need help. I have felt that if this is the best it ever gets, I'll be okay.

I haven't gone to therapy since the beginning of summer. After almost a year of going I'm tired of scheduling my life around it, and I feel like everything we do are things I can do at home anyway. So, I quit going. It doesn't mean I've given up. I'm still working on things on my own at home -- doing as much around the house as I can standing or walking, some chair aerobics that I found a dvd for, some walking at the track at my kids' school, and some simple balance exercises.

But I have come to terms with things for the most part. It's possible that I may never fully recover, and it has been 11 months. I'm still within the two year recovery window, but most progress in Transverse Myelitis patients is seen in the first 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I'm progressing. But it's slow now. If I never progress beyond where I am now, I'm comfortable that I can at least take care of myself, my kids, and my house. I can drive thanks to the use of hand controls. I do my own grocery shopping, I cook for myself. There are things here and there that I need help with. I am unable to get things that are high off the ground. I lack the strength needed in my legs to be able to climb onto a chair, and even if I had something like a step stool, my balance is off too much to feel like I could get something down safely. I also need help carrying heavy or cumbersome things. But for the most part, I take care of things myself. And I've been learning ways to still enjoy my life.

So, I could live like this. But after two vacations this month, and seeing people all around me running and chasing their kids, getting in and out of a swimming pool or lake with no help, climbing into a boat, etc. Plus the stares I get from people when I'm out. You know just what they are thinking. Why is someone my age using a cane? It makes people feel vulnerable.

So, with all of this I suppose I've gained a new sense that it HAS to be better than this! It HAS to be! I am always thinking of things I can do to help me progress. And I've come up with a new goal.

I have two nephews, ages 8 years and 8 months. They are brothers, and they have Cystic Fibrosis. Every May there is a Great Strides walk here in Ogden that our family participates in to help raise money and awareness for Cystic Fibrosis. It usually goes on during soccer season, but unless I've had a kid that has a soccer game at the same time that year, I have always participated. Last May, I didn't. It was partly because Johnathan did have a game. But it was also partly because I knew I couldn't have walked it. It's a 2 mile walk.

I have been working on my endurance lately anyway. So, I've decided. Next May, provided neither Johnathan or Elizabeth have soccer games, I am walking it. That should give me something tangible to strive for. It will take some hard work, but I think I can do it.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Life is Still Beautiful

I am feeling more and more like coming back to the blogging world. I may even pick up the hair blog I tried to start with Libby back before my whole ordeal with Transverse Myelitis began. I LOVE doing her hair. It is so fun. I love making her feel pretty and special, and it is our special time just for me and her. I have yet to decide about the food blog. I started putting it together but that's about as far as I've gotten. Things take longer to do now. I am getting faster at everything. But, still, baby steps, you know.

My beautiful Libby girl turned 4 on Friday. I have pictures, but have just been too tired to even think about uploading them, so my apologies. We just had a small family gathering at a local park for presents, cake, ice cream, and let the kids play for a bit.

That day we were also preparing to leave on another vacation. Saturday morning we left for a beautiful 3 days at Bear Lake. We camped at the Sunrise Camp Ground. I was unsure of how difficult getting in, out, and around a tent would be for me, so Libby and I slept in my parents' trailer with them, and Corey and the boys slept in the tent.

My parents rented a jetski one day. I have always been terrified of them. But there was one point in the hospital that we even wondered if I was dying. Believe me, I will never take my life for granted again! So, I promised myself that if there was some way of getting me onto that jetski, I was going to ride it!

I'm not sure if anyone got pictures to document the occasion or not. It was difficult getting up. At one point, I got into a position that made it physically impossible for me to move in any way, and Corey had to help me. But I got on. It took a little bit for me to relax, but it really wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be, and I think I will most likely go again. Getting down wasn't as difficult, but I did need the help of two people -- one to help keep the jetski steady, and the other to guide the foot that was stepping off so I didn't hit the propeller. I am pretty proud of myself! And I'm happy that Corey and I have something new to enjoy together.

Those days at the lake were beautiful. In places like that you can see the Hand of God everywhere, in every creation. I have been through so much this past year. And through all of it, I have felt my relationship with my Heavenly Father strengthen. I know He will never leave me alone, and I know He will never set me up to fail. I WILL get through this. One of my favorite quotes has always been "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." I am telling you it's true! I have never been through anything harder than this. It would be so easy to quit and just waste the rest of my life. But what would I get out of it? I would miss being all I can to my sweet kids. I would miss out on growing old and enjoying life with my husband. I would miss out on... LIFE! And life, though hard, is STILL beautiful.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Just Keep Swimming...

It's been a while again. I wonder if anyone even checks this blog anymore? It's been difficult to WANT to blog since my injury last year.

It hasn't been QUITE a year, but next month, August 20th will mark a year to the day. I still haven't decided how I will spend that day. I may be in DC with Corey. He may be selected to go back there for three months on a work detail. If he does, I will join him until just before school starts. Secretly, though, as much as we could use the money that would come from it, I hope he doesn't get it. I feel like I still need him here too much, and I'm kind of scared to be alone that much.

Back to the injury, most people know this, but I walked around and around my house for the first time in February. I still use a cane away from home. I do still have some balance issues, and it's helpful when I get tired (which still happens way too quickly), but I also feel like it gives people around me a signal that I am a fall risk and to use precaution around me. At home, I use nothing. I'm beginning to gain some speed when I walk, unless I'm tired. I've started putting myself on an endurance program. My goal is to get to being able to walk for one hour without a break. So far, I can go 15 minutes. I know, I have a long ways. But as Dory would say, I have to "just keep swimming".

A week ago, we spent some time at Lava Hot Springs and Yellowstone. Ironic for me because that's where I was a week before the virus attacked my spinal cord. It was kind of emotional for me. There were things that I couldn't do that made me feel left out. But there were other things that I was able to do with some help. I got in a swimming pool for the first time since my injury. That was an interesting experience.

Before I was able to get about waist deep in the water, I would feel top heavy. But, thanks to now having sensory issues, if I got down on my knees and went around the pool that way, the rough, cement surface at the bottom would feel like broken glass. We eventually did get me out chest deep, though, and that was so nice. My swimming leaves a lot to be desired, and I don't dare put my head under the water yet, but otherwise, I feel free in the water. And... I "stand" in the water as well as anyone else. In the water, I'm just like any other 30 year old woman.

The school that my boys attend does free lunch for kids during the summer. Recently, when we've gone, I've noticed another woman with a cane, who looks like she's around my age, and always has young children with her. I wish I weren't so shy. I would love to know who she is. Sometimes this whole thing can be lonely, when everyone around you is doing all the things you used to do, and you just want so desperately to do it too.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

On to Crutches

I have been ready to move on to forearm crutches for a few weeks now, but we haven't been able to afford them. Along with our big medical expenses, we have also had to replace a toilet and a water heater, pay for Christmas, and we are getting ready to celebrate Johnathan's 9th birthday on Saturday.

So, last Friday I finally put my foot down. I feel like time is running out. So I told Corey to call it my early birthday present (yeah mine's coming up too). They were a whopping $100!!! I think what these medical supply places charge for stuff if ridiculous.

Anyway, I took my crutches with me to therapy on Monday and passed off walking with them, so I am now able to use them at home.

I think the big thing now will be to increase the amount of energy I have. I think that, in turn will help increase the amount of control I have in my legs and ankles.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A New Start in 2010

I had a lot of resolutions go unrealized last year. Many were through no fault of my own, given my recent health issues. This year I've decided to keep my resolutions to only a few, and make them things that I think I can reasonably do in the condition I'm in right now. So here is what I have in mind for the next year:

1- Learn to love and care for the body I have been blessed with. I want to lose the weight I've put on the past 3 1/2 years, adopt better healthy upkeep habits, eat healthier food, and be as active as I can be.

2- I want to be walking unassisted by the end of the year. I'd love to add some distance in there, but I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. So, I'll start by saying I just want to be walking.

3- Become more versatile in my cooking. I want to make incorporating things such as dried beans, barley, freshly ground wheat, etc a habit. I am actually working on putting up a blog that documents my cooking efforts this year. I hope to have that up in the next couple days so watch for it.

4- Now that we have made tithing a habit, I've decided I want to add something else spiritual. So, this year, we will make Family Home Evening a habit.

5- Learn how to keep a clean, organized home as a disabled person (it's harder than you'd think -- if I didn't have my mom helping me, my house would look a lot worse than it does).

What do you have in mind for the next year?

Amish Friendship Bread

One of my favorite authors is Beverly Lewis. She writes fictional stories about Amish and Mennonite families. I've always been a little taken by the Amish way of life. I don't think I could do it. For one thing, I'm a musician. Need I say more? But I do find their ways of doing things intriguing. Their quilts are beautiful, and their lives are so simple. And I imagine that most if not all of their food is homemade. So, when I was given a starter for "Amish Friendship Bread" last year, I of course had to try it. It was absolutely delicious! I had kept a starter for myself, but each time you go to make the bread, you end up with three starters! You are supposed to give at least two of them away, but after a while, you don't have anyone to give it to anymore. But if you give it all away the first time, then you don't have any starter anymore and you have to wait (and pray) for someone to give you another starter. So, I went on a quest to find out how to make the starter myself, and then to find out if there was either a way to decrease the amount it made, or to freeze it. I succeeded. I've got a serious craving for some of this bread right now, and am pulling a starter out of the freezer now so I can make some. So, I thought I would share what I know.

First you have to make your starter:

1 (.25 oz) package active dry yeast
1/4 cup warm water (about 110 degrees)
3 1/2 cups flour, divided
3 1/2 cups white sugar, divided
3 1/2 cups milk

In a small, non-metal bowl, dissolve the yeast in water. Let stand 10 minutes. In a 2 quart non-metal container (I just use a ziploc container or gallon sized bag). Combine 1 cup flour and 1 cup sugar. Mix thoroughly or flour will lump when milk is added. Slowly stir in 1 cup milk and dissolved yeast mixture. Cover loosely and let stand until bubbly. This is considered day 1 of a 10 day cycle. Leave loosely covered at room temperature.

On days 2 through 5; stir starter with a wooden spoon (or if you are storing it in a ziploc bag, then just give it a good smashing). Let the air out.

On day 6 stir in 1 cup flour, 1 cup sugar and 1 cup milk.

On days 7 through 9 give it a stir. Let the air out.

On day 10, pour contents into a large non-metal bowl. Stir in 1 1/2 cup flour, 1 1/2 cup sugar and 1 1/2 cup milk. Remove 2 cups to give to friends along with a recipe for Amish Friendship Bread (and this recipe for the starter if you wish. Store another 1 cup starter in a container and start the 10 day process over again. Once you have the 1 cup starter, you will consider that day 1.

I found out that you can also freeze this starter in 1 cup measures for later use. Frozen starter will take at least 3 hours at room temperature to thaw before using. Then you can use all three starters for yourself if you so desire, and you can freeze all of the starter if you don't want another Friendship Bread in the next week and a half and then use it when you want it. If you don't want to end up with tons of bags or containers of starters in your freezer, then when you take out a starter to turn into bread, do not add the flour, milk, or sugar on days 5 and 10. Just stir it each day. Then on day 10 make your bread. When you use your final starter, you can go ahead and add the flour, milk and sugar on days 5 and 10 and then have another three starters ready to freeze again. The starter can also be kept in the refrigerator for up to two weeks.

Using sourdough starters have wonderful health benefits because of the natural occurring yeasts.

This is the recipe for the bread that I received, but there are others. This one is my favorite though because it's so moist:

1 cup Amish Friendship Bread Starter (above)
2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 large (or 2 small) packages instant pudding mix (any flavor)
1 cup vegetable oil (I use canola)
1/2 cup milk
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
raisins, chocolate chips, nuts, dried fruit, etc as desired (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease 2 9x5 loaf pans.

In a large mixing bowl stir together all ingredients. Fold in the optional add ins that you want.

Bake in preheated oven until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean (about an hour). Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan.

In some of the breads I make, I like to coat the pans with a cinnamon sugar mix after greasing, and then sprinkle some more on top of the bread before baking. It gives the bread a yummy crust!

Now here are some of my favorite ways to make this yummy bread:

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 cup craisins, 1 cup chopped pecans.

- 1 large box banana cream pudding mix, 1 mashed banana, 1 cup chopped pecans.

- 2 small boxes white chocolate pudding mix, 1 cup white chocolate chips, 1 cup chopped macadamia nuts.

- 1 large box pistachio pudding mix, 1 cup chopped pistachios.

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 chopped apple, 1 cup dried fruit and nut mix, 2 tsp cinnamon.

- 1 large box chocolate pudding mix, 1 cup mini chocolate chips.

- large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 chopped apple, 1 cup raisins, 1 tsp cinnamon.

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 bag cinnamon chips.

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 chopped apple, 1 cup chopped pecans, 1 tsp cinnamon

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 bag dried cherries.

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 bag chopped dried peaches.

- 1 large box coconut pudding mix, 1/2 bag chopped dried pineapple, 1/2 bag chopped dried mango

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Last Ten Years: A Time Line

I love reading about what's gone on in people's lives. That's why I blog! LOL! I especially enjoy seeing where the lives of old friends have taken them. We are at the beginning of a new decade, so I've decided to write out a timeline of the significant things that have gone on in my life the past ten years. I probably won't go into a lot of detail because that would take forever.

-2000
-January -
I celebrated my 20th birthday.
-April - My nephew, Jordan was born.
-May - Found out I was pregnant with Johnathan.
-July - Corey's Great-Grandmother passed away, and we took a road trip to Canada for her funeral.
-August - Celebrated one year of marriage.
-November - My nephew, Kaden was born.
-December - My nephew, Easton was born.
-2001
-January -
Johnathan Corey was born.
-August - Corey left for a 3 month long business trip to Washington DC. I spent one week there with him to celebrate our anniversary.
-September -
-
Corey's grandmother passed away.
- The World Trade Center and the Pentagon were attacked by hijacked airplanes. I worried that whole day about Corey since he was working in a government building in DC.
- My Uncle Don passed away after a two year battle with cancer.
-November -
-
Corey returns from DC safe and sound.
-December -
-
My nephew Carson was born.
-2002
-January -
-
Johnathan celebrated his 1st birthday.
- My nephew Carson suffered a massive seizure that killed over 50% of his brain cells and left him severely disabled.
-May - My nephew Cameron was born.
-June - I joined Weight Watchers.
-August - Corey had the same business opportunity as the year before. This time Johnathan and I joined him for 3 months in DC. I don't remember exactly when it happened, but this was at the time of the sniper attacks.
-2003
-February -
I found out I was pregnant with Ethan.
-April - Corey celebrated his 25th birthday.
-May - My nephew, Cameron was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. I tested positive as a carrier of the gene, and was relieved when Corey did not. This means that our children can carry the gene, but we cannot have a baby with CF. We do, however, plan to encourage our children to get tested, as well as their future spouses, so that if they are carriers, they know what they could be expecting.
-July - My nephew, Carson passed away.
-August - We moved to South Ogden.
-September - My grandfather passed away.
-October - Ethan James is born on my grandfather and great-grandfather's (father and son!) birthday.
-2004
-May -
I finally finished losing about 60 lbs.
-July - We found out that Johnathan most likely had Asperger's Syndrome -- a high functioning form of Autism.
-August - Corey had the same business opportunity, this time in Ohio. The children and I stayed home so Johnathan could begin early intervention preschool.
-October - Ethan celebrated his first birthday
-2005
-January -
I celebrated my 25th birthday.
-Spring/Summer - My Uncle Veldie passed away. I don't remember the exact date. It could even have been early fall.
-October - Moved back to Roy.
-November -
- Found out I was pregnant with Elizabeth.
- My nephew, Tyson was born.
-2006
-January -

- Corey went back to school.
- Johnathan celebrated his 5th birthday.
-July - Elizabeth Sharon was born.
-August - Johnathan started kindergarten.
-November - We moved to Washington Terrace.
-2007
-June -
My niece KoDee Jo was born.
-July - Elizabeth celebrated her 1st birthday.
-November -
- We adopted our dog, Buddy.
- My mom was diagnosed with cancer.
-2008
-January -
My mom had surgery and beat her cancer.
-April - Corey celebrated his 30th birthday.
-October -
- Ethan celebrated his 5th birthday.
- My niece, Abby was born.
-2009
-January -

- Johnathan started Cub Scouts
- Johnathan earned his Bobcat Badge.
- Johnathan was baptized.
-June - Johnathan's baseball team won city champions.
-July - Corey's sister and her husband announced that they were divorcing.
-August -
-
We went on a family vacation to Yellowstone.
- Corey and I celebrated 10 years of marriage.
- I had a spinal cord injury and went to the hospital.
- Ethan started kindergarten.
-October - I was released from the hospital, able to use a walker.
-December - My nephew, Riley was born.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Trials of Fire

So, I'm still alive. Most of the people who read this blog are already in the know with what has been going on with me the past 5 months. But there are those who don't. My apologies to those who do know because I'm going to do a recap for those who don't.

First, before I start in on the bad stuff, it should be mentioned that we were able to take a wonderful vacation to Yellowstone in August. It was the first family vacation we have been able to go on that wasn't a reunion of some type. I have pictures to share, but I'm not on my computer right now, so I'll do that in another post.

Also, Corey and I celebrated 10 years of marriage on August 19th. I can't believe we've been married for a decade. But at the same time, it seems as though we've always been in each other's lives.

Now for what has seemed to wipe me off the face of the planet.

On August 20th -- one day after celebrating my anniversary -- I suffered a spinal cord injury. I had inflammation across a section of my spinal cord, that was caused by an infection of the herpes simplex virus. That's right. Cold sores caused a spinal cord injury in me that the doctors call Transverse Myelitis.

I woke up that morning perfectly fine. I got breakfast for the children, and then sat down at the computer to get some work done for church. I had been sitting there about 30 minutes before I decided to get up and start getting the kitchen cleaned up for the morning. It was then that I noticed my legs had gone to sleep. I walked around for a minute thinking that they'd come out of it, but they didn't. I woke Corey up to tell him I couldn't feel my legs. He thought they'd work their way out of it too. We started walking around again. Half and hour later, I could feel it getting worse, and we went to the emergency room. Four hours later, I was a dead weight.

I spent a week at Ogden Regional Hospital, where I had seven MRI's and a spinal tap. I was tested for stroke and MS. At one time, we thought I had Guillan Barre Syndrome, before we had a final diagnosis.

At that point, I was transfered to the inpatient rehabilitation center at the University of Utah Hospital. I spent 5 weeks there doing intensive physical and occupational therapy. At one point, my sight was affected, and if we hadn't caught it in time, I may have lost it. Thank goodness, we caught it. We were able to reverse the affects, and now, it's as if nothing was ever wrong with my eyes. Unfortunately, part of being paralyzed from the waist down, often times means that you lose control of your bodily functions as well. That has been true for me. This may be too much information, and I'm sorry for that. My bowel function is slowly starting to return, but I still have some issues. I am able to urinate, but only a very little bit. I am having to catheterize myself, intermittently for the rest.

During the time I was in the hospital the hardest part was being so far away from my family. Ethan started kindergarten while I was in the hospital. I wasn't able to be there to take pictures, take him to school on his first day, and be his support. I will never get that back. Despite, all I've lost, that is what hurts the very most. That, and other things like it, such as missing most of Johnathan's soccer season.

The entire time I was in the hospital, I told everyone -- doctors, nurses, therapists -- anyone who would listen, that I would be home by October 15th to celebrate his birthday, even if I had to sneak me and my wheelchair out of the hospital and wheel myself to Ogden. I came home on October 8th -- a week before Ethan turned 6.

I did some therapy at home for the first few weeks, and since then have been doing outpatient therapy three days a week. I am using a walker, but have a wheelchair rental that I use because I lack the stamina to be on my feet doing all the things I, as a mother, need to be doing all day. I hope that day is coming. At therapy, I am working on using crutches. I think distance and stamina will likely come last.

I have had to relearn how to do some things around the home. It's taken some major brainstorming. I am getting stronger every day. I only wish the process were faster.

As you can probably imagine, we have had some terrible expenses with this whole thing. In the beginning, I was using ankle braces when I walked because my ankles are week and they would roll. Those braces cost us $700. That was only 50%! That just gives an idea of the expenses we have been looking at.

This has been a terrible ordeal. But as trials will do, if we let them, we have gained a lot from this as well.

That first day I lost the feeling in my legs, the very moment I knew I was in trouble, I asked Corey for a blessing. I have remained very close to my Heavenly Father ever since. I think that without Him, this trial would have done me in. But I have felt Him near through my every prayer, as well as with every tear. Being so far from my family, I had plenty of opportunity to feel lonely. But I never did. Because I have felt His presence at every step.

I have been reminded of the goodness of people. I have such a wonderful ward family, awesome friends, and my family is fantastic. I already knew this, but I have marveled at the proof that I have seen since the moment word was out that I was in the hospital. There are many, many people who have fasted, prayed, put my name (and my family's names) in the temple, visited, watched our children, helped with housework, sent meals, sent cards and letters, called on the phone, I could go on.

My marriage has been strengthened. And I have been reminded and amazed at what a truly wonderful man I have married. For six weeks, he continued his schooling and took care of our three children -- one of whom has some special needs. He did an amazing job with them. And he has been so patient and attentive since I've been home. I can hear his concern for me in his voice. And through all of his stress this semester, he finished it with a 4.0! He is amazing!

I have also had some serious strengthening in my testimony of tithing. I will be the first to admit that paying tithing has always been difficult for us. Never enough for us to lose our recommends over it, but enough that I really wanted to get out of that mindset of "we HAVE to pay our tithing", and instead approach it as "we WANT to pay our tithing". At the beginning of 2009, I made several resolutions. The only one that I kept was that we would pay our tithing as soon as paychecks came in, without question. I never did it with the intention of receiving anything in return. I simply wanted to make it a habit, and then make it something that just felt good to do.

A week after I was admitted to the hospital, Corey was laid off. We were staring some big expenses straight in the face, with no job to pay them with. We also had three children who still needed to be cared for, and Christmas wouldn't be that far away once I came home. We didn't know how we were going to do it. And yet, things have worked out. Some of our bills have been taken over by family members out of the kindness of their hearts, and not because we've asked them to. The bishop was sure to remind us that if we needed help financially, that we only needed to ask. We haven't needed to ask so far, because we've reaped blessings in other ways. We have had family, friends, and even strangers who have as gifts, given us $50 here, $100 there. Our family was even adopted by a group of friends -- most of them don't even know us -- for Christmas. The blessings have been phenomenal. Somehow, I know that the Lord is keeping His promise that if we have faith and keep His commandments, we will be blessed.

At the University of Utah Hospital, there is a small branch that meets in the chapel for 30 minutes every Sunday morning. The people who put the program together week after week are called from surrounding wards and branches to be a part of and serve in this branch. They also visit those staying the hospital who are in need throughout the week. I went to this branch every week during my stay. After a very difficult week of therapy, health issues, and missing my family and friends, it lifted me up and prepared me for the week ahead.

One week, one of the sisters gave a talk about trials of fire. I don't remember her exact words, but the message has stayed with me ever since. My faith through this whole thing has been sorely tested. It has truly been the most difficult trial of my life. I see it as a trial of fire. Because through it's fires, my faith has been reshaped and made stronger. I don't know if I will ever walk unassisted again. But I have faith that through the Lord, anything is possible. I also know that He will never set me up for failure. That means, that even if I do spend the rest of my life using a wheelchair much of the time, or am never able to walk without assistance again, I will still be able to succeed in my life, and be happy.

It's no secret to anyone who knows me well that music speaks to me -- often when nothing else will. There was a piano in the common room of the rehab center, so the first Sunday I went to the hospital branch, I asked to borrow a hymn book. I would be heard singing or humming almost daily, and it was often hymns I was singing because they kept me going. There were many hymns that touched me and continue to touch me during this trial. But, I would like to close this post by sharing the words of the first two verses of my very favorite.

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on they side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.