It hasn't been QUITE a year, but next month, August 20th will mark a year to the day. I still haven't decided how I will spend that day. I may be in DC with Corey. He may be selected to go back there for three months on a work detail. If he does, I will join him until just before school starts. Secretly, though, as much as we could use the money that would come from it, I hope he doesn't get it. I feel like I still need him here too much, and I'm kind of scared to be alone that much.
Back to the injury, most people know this, but I walked around and around my house for the first time in February. I still use a cane away from home. I do still have some balance issues, and it's helpful when I get tired (which still happens way too quickly), but I also feel like it gives people around me a signal that I am a fall risk and to use precaution around me. At home, I use nothing. I'm beginning to gain some speed when I walk, unless I'm tired. I've started putting myself on an endurance program. My goal is to get to being able to walk for one hour without a break. So far, I can go 15 minutes. I know, I have a long ways. But as Dory would say, I have to "just keep swimming".
A week ago, we spent some time at Lava Hot Springs and Yellowstone. Ironic for me because that's where I was a week before the virus attacked my spinal cord. It was kind of emotional for me. There were things that I couldn't do that made me feel left out. But there were other things that I was able to do with some help. I got in a swimming pool for the first time since my injury. That was an interesting experience.
Before I was able to get about waist deep in the water, I would feel top heavy. But, thanks to now having sensory issues, if I got down on my knees and went around the pool that way, the rough, cement surface at the bottom would feel like broken glass. We eventually did get me out chest deep, though, and that was so nice. My swimming leaves a lot to be desired, and I don't dare put my head under the water yet, but otherwise, I feel free in the water. And... I "stand" in the water as well as anyone else. In the water, I'm just like any other 30 year old woman.
The school that my boys attend does free lunch for kids during the summer. Recently, when we've gone, I've noticed another woman with a cane, who looks like she's around my age, and always has young children with her. I wish I weren't so shy. I would love to know who she is. Sometimes this whole thing can be lonely, when everyone around you is doing all the things you used to do, and you just want so desperately to do it too.