Something New! I'm Excited!

I got on my library's website today to reserve a book, but before I did that, I decided to take a look at their events calendar. It's been down for a while, and I noticed it was back up. They do a lot of movie days, and the kids have enjoyed doing that in the past, so I thought I would see what they were planning on showing over the next few weeks. As I was looking around I found a new even that I'd never seen before. It was called "Gentle Movements". It is available at the library on Thursday mornings as a way to "Improve your mobility, balance, stability and strength during this low-impact, gentle exercise class."

I haven't been to physical therapy since the beginning of summer. My insurance company refused to pay for anymore visits. My physical therapist works at a small gym and I was able to buy 12 supervised open gym visits, that I used. I went when I wanted to without making appointments. My therapist was able to keep an eye on me and suggest new things to be doing. But eventually, I got so I didn't want to go anymore. I was tired of fitting it into my life. And about 90% of the things I was doing were things I was able to do at home anyway. I couldn't see paying the money again. So, I quit going.

I still have been doing things on my own. There is a track at my kids' school that has a sidewalk going down the parking lot halfway through the track, and I've been walking that most days. It's convenient because if I feel like I'm getting too tired to make it all the way around the track, I can just do half of it. I also have been using the "Chair Aerobics for Everyone" DVD. Then in the evenings after the kids are in bed and the house is quiet, I do crunches, bridges, modified push ups and some simple balance exercises while I watch tv.

But I would still like the input of another person to suggest new ways of working toward better mobility, stability and balance. My strength is great. The nurses in the hospital couldn't believe how strong I was. I don't worry about that. But strength only goes so far when you don't have the balance or stability to go with it. My favorite word in the whole world is "free", so when I saw this I was intrigued.

It turned out that my library card had expired anyway, and I was unable to reserve the book I wanted. So, I called the library to take care of it. While I was on the phone, I asked about the class. I told the librarian about my situation, and asked if he happened to know whether the class would be good for someone like me. He was very encouraging. He said that most of the people who come to the class are senior citizens who are trying to increase their mobility, or people who have had injuries.

So, I think I will go and check it out on Thursday and see what I think. If I like it and can find someone to watch Elizabeth during that hour, I will go to it every week. I think I can handle something like this once a week and then do what I learn there at home the rest of the week.

I told my mom about it, and unless I can't find anyone else to watch Libby for me, she's going to come with me, since she's been having some difficulty with her balance as well. Awesome! I'm really excited to have found this. I am so grateful to have access to such an awesome library that make opportunities such as this, and Discovery Time, and the chess club that Johnathan enjoys, and free movies, etc available for free to the public. What a wonderful resource!

A Goal

I can walk. I don't have very good balance, so I use a cane when I'm not home. I also don't have much endurance. I am beginning to walk faster, but that depends on how much energy I have. I do most things by myself, and rarely need help. I have felt that if this is the best it ever gets, I'll be okay.

I haven't gone to therapy since the beginning of summer. After almost a year of going I'm tired of scheduling my life around it, and I feel like everything we do are things I can do at home anyway. So, I quit going. It doesn't mean I've given up. I'm still working on things on my own at home -- doing as much around the house as I can standing or walking, some chair aerobics that I found a dvd for, some walking at the track at my kids' school, and some simple balance exercises.

But I have come to terms with things for the most part. It's possible that I may never fully recover, and it has been 11 months. I'm still within the two year recovery window, but most progress in Transverse Myelitis patients is seen in the first 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I'm progressing. But it's slow now. If I never progress beyond where I am now, I'm comfortable that I can at least take care of myself, my kids, and my house. I can drive thanks to the use of hand controls. I do my own grocery shopping, I cook for myself. There are things here and there that I need help with. I am unable to get things that are high off the ground. I lack the strength needed in my legs to be able to climb onto a chair, and even if I had something like a step stool, my balance is off too much to feel like I could get something down safely. I also need help carrying heavy or cumbersome things. But for the most part, I take care of things myself. And I've been learning ways to still enjoy my life.

So, I could live like this. But after two vacations this month, and seeing people all around me running and chasing their kids, getting in and out of a swimming pool or lake with no help, climbing into a boat, etc. Plus the stares I get from people when I'm out. You know just what they are thinking. Why is someone my age using a cane? It makes people feel vulnerable.

So, with all of this I suppose I've gained a new sense that it HAS to be better than this! It HAS to be! I am always thinking of things I can do to help me progress. And I've come up with a new goal.

I have two nephews, ages 8 years and 8 months. They are brothers, and they have Cystic Fibrosis. Every May there is a Great Strides walk here in Ogden that our family participates in to help raise money and awareness for Cystic Fibrosis. It usually goes on during soccer season, but unless I've had a kid that has a soccer game at the same time that year, I have always participated. Last May, I didn't. It was partly because Johnathan did have a game. But it was also partly because I knew I couldn't have walked it. It's a 2 mile walk.

I have been working on my endurance lately anyway. So, I've decided. Next May, provided neither Johnathan or Elizabeth have soccer games, I am walking it. That should give me something tangible to strive for. It will take some hard work, but I think I can do it.

Life is Still Beautiful

I am feeling more and more like coming back to the blogging world. I may even pick up the hair blog I tried to start with Libby back before my whole ordeal with Transverse Myelitis began. I LOVE doing her hair. It is so fun. I love making her feel pretty and special, and it is our special time just for me and her. I have yet to decide about the food blog. I started putting it together but that's about as far as I've gotten. Things take longer to do now. I am getting faster at everything. But, still, baby steps, you know.

My beautiful Libby girl turned 4 on Friday. I have pictures, but have just been too tired to even think about uploading them, so my apologies. We just had a small family gathering at a local park for presents, cake, ice cream, and let the kids play for a bit.

That day we were also preparing to leave on another vacation. Saturday morning we left for a beautiful 3 days at Bear Lake. We camped at the Sunrise Camp Ground. I was unsure of how difficult getting in, out, and around a tent would be for me, so Libby and I slept in my parents' trailer with them, and Corey and the boys slept in the tent.

My parents rented a jetski one day. I have always been terrified of them. But there was one point in the hospital that we even wondered if I was dying. Believe me, I will never take my life for granted again! So, I promised myself that if there was some way of getting me onto that jetski, I was going to ride it!

I'm not sure if anyone got pictures to document the occasion or not. It was difficult getting up. At one point, I got into a position that made it physically impossible for me to move in any way, and Corey had to help me. But I got on. It took a little bit for me to relax, but it really wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be, and I think I will most likely go again. Getting down wasn't as difficult, but I did need the help of two people -- one to help keep the jetski steady, and the other to guide the foot that was stepping off so I didn't hit the propeller. I am pretty proud of myself! And I'm happy that Corey and I have something new to enjoy together.

Those days at the lake were beautiful. In places like that you can see the Hand of God everywhere, in every creation. I have been through so much this past year. And through all of it, I have felt my relationship with my Heavenly Father strengthen. I know He will never leave me alone, and I know He will never set me up to fail. I WILL get through this. One of my favorite quotes has always been "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." I am telling you it's true! I have never been through anything harder than this. It would be so easy to quit and just waste the rest of my life. But what would I get out of it? I would miss being all I can to my sweet kids. I would miss out on growing old and enjoying life with my husband. I would miss out on... LIFE! And life, though hard, is STILL beautiful.

Just Keep Swimming...

It's been a while again. I wonder if anyone even checks this blog anymore? It's been difficult to WANT to blog since my injury last year.

It hasn't been QUITE a year, but next month, August 20th will mark a year to the day. I still haven't decided how I will spend that day. I may be in DC with Corey. He may be selected to go back there for three months on a work detail. If he does, I will join him until just before school starts. Secretly, though, as much as we could use the money that would come from it, I hope he doesn't get it. I feel like I still need him here too much, and I'm kind of scared to be alone that much.

Back to the injury, most people know this, but I walked around and around my house for the first time in February. I still use a cane away from home. I do still have some balance issues, and it's helpful when I get tired (which still happens way too quickly), but I also feel like it gives people around me a signal that I am a fall risk and to use precaution around me. At home, I use nothing. I'm beginning to gain some speed when I walk, unless I'm tired. I've started putting myself on an endurance program. My goal is to get to being able to walk for one hour without a break. So far, I can go 15 minutes. I know, I have a long ways. But as Dory would say, I have to "just keep swimming".

A week ago, we spent some time at Lava Hot Springs and Yellowstone. Ironic for me because that's where I was a week before the virus attacked my spinal cord. It was kind of emotional for me. There were things that I couldn't do that made me feel left out. But there were other things that I was able to do with some help. I got in a swimming pool for the first time since my injury. That was an interesting experience.

Before I was able to get about waist deep in the water, I would feel top heavy. But, thanks to now having sensory issues, if I got down on my knees and went around the pool that way, the rough, cement surface at the bottom would feel like broken glass. We eventually did get me out chest deep, though, and that was so nice. My swimming leaves a lot to be desired, and I don't dare put my head under the water yet, but otherwise, I feel free in the water. And... I "stand" in the water as well as anyone else. In the water, I'm just like any other 30 year old woman.

The school that my boys attend does free lunch for kids during the summer. Recently, when we've gone, I've noticed another woman with a cane, who looks like she's around my age, and always has young children with her. I wish I weren't so shy. I would love to know who she is. Sometimes this whole thing can be lonely, when everyone around you is doing all the things you used to do, and you just want so desperately to do it too.