Something New! I'm Excited!

I got on my library's website today to reserve a book, but before I did that, I decided to take a look at their events calendar. It's been down for a while, and I noticed it was back up. They do a lot of movie days, and the kids have enjoyed doing that in the past, so I thought I would see what they were planning on showing over the next few weeks. As I was looking around I found a new even that I'd never seen before. It was called "Gentle Movements". It is available at the library on Thursday mornings as a way to "Improve your mobility, balance, stability and strength during this low-impact, gentle exercise class."

I haven't been to physical therapy since the beginning of summer. My insurance company refused to pay for anymore visits. My physical therapist works at a small gym and I was able to buy 12 supervised open gym visits, that I used. I went when I wanted to without making appointments. My therapist was able to keep an eye on me and suggest new things to be doing. But eventually, I got so I didn't want to go anymore. I was tired of fitting it into my life. And about 90% of the things I was doing were things I was able to do at home anyway. I couldn't see paying the money again. So, I quit going.

I still have been doing things on my own. There is a track at my kids' school that has a sidewalk going down the parking lot halfway through the track, and I've been walking that most days. It's convenient because if I feel like I'm getting too tired to make it all the way around the track, I can just do half of it. I also have been using the "Chair Aerobics for Everyone" DVD. Then in the evenings after the kids are in bed and the house is quiet, I do crunches, bridges, modified push ups and some simple balance exercises while I watch tv.

But I would still like the input of another person to suggest new ways of working toward better mobility, stability and balance. My strength is great. The nurses in the hospital couldn't believe how strong I was. I don't worry about that. But strength only goes so far when you don't have the balance or stability to go with it. My favorite word in the whole world is "free", so when I saw this I was intrigued.

It turned out that my library card had expired anyway, and I was unable to reserve the book I wanted. So, I called the library to take care of it. While I was on the phone, I asked about the class. I told the librarian about my situation, and asked if he happened to know whether the class would be good for someone like me. He was very encouraging. He said that most of the people who come to the class are senior citizens who are trying to increase their mobility, or people who have had injuries.

So, I think I will go and check it out on Thursday and see what I think. If I like it and can find someone to watch Elizabeth during that hour, I will go to it every week. I think I can handle something like this once a week and then do what I learn there at home the rest of the week.

I told my mom about it, and unless I can't find anyone else to watch Libby for me, she's going to come with me, since she's been having some difficulty with her balance as well. Awesome! I'm really excited to have found this. I am so grateful to have access to such an awesome library that make opportunities such as this, and Discovery Time, and the chess club that Johnathan enjoys, and free movies, etc available for free to the public. What a wonderful resource!

A Goal

I can walk. I don't have very good balance, so I use a cane when I'm not home. I also don't have much endurance. I am beginning to walk faster, but that depends on how much energy I have. I do most things by myself, and rarely need help. I have felt that if this is the best it ever gets, I'll be okay.

I haven't gone to therapy since the beginning of summer. After almost a year of going I'm tired of scheduling my life around it, and I feel like everything we do are things I can do at home anyway. So, I quit going. It doesn't mean I've given up. I'm still working on things on my own at home -- doing as much around the house as I can standing or walking, some chair aerobics that I found a dvd for, some walking at the track at my kids' school, and some simple balance exercises.

But I have come to terms with things for the most part. It's possible that I may never fully recover, and it has been 11 months. I'm still within the two year recovery window, but most progress in Transverse Myelitis patients is seen in the first 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I'm progressing. But it's slow now. If I never progress beyond where I am now, I'm comfortable that I can at least take care of myself, my kids, and my house. I can drive thanks to the use of hand controls. I do my own grocery shopping, I cook for myself. There are things here and there that I need help with. I am unable to get things that are high off the ground. I lack the strength needed in my legs to be able to climb onto a chair, and even if I had something like a step stool, my balance is off too much to feel like I could get something down safely. I also need help carrying heavy or cumbersome things. But for the most part, I take care of things myself. And I've been learning ways to still enjoy my life.

So, I could live like this. But after two vacations this month, and seeing people all around me running and chasing their kids, getting in and out of a swimming pool or lake with no help, climbing into a boat, etc. Plus the stares I get from people when I'm out. You know just what they are thinking. Why is someone my age using a cane? It makes people feel vulnerable.

So, with all of this I suppose I've gained a new sense that it HAS to be better than this! It HAS to be! I am always thinking of things I can do to help me progress. And I've come up with a new goal.

I have two nephews, ages 8 years and 8 months. They are brothers, and they have Cystic Fibrosis. Every May there is a Great Strides walk here in Ogden that our family participates in to help raise money and awareness for Cystic Fibrosis. It usually goes on during soccer season, but unless I've had a kid that has a soccer game at the same time that year, I have always participated. Last May, I didn't. It was partly because Johnathan did have a game. But it was also partly because I knew I couldn't have walked it. It's a 2 mile walk.

I have been working on my endurance lately anyway. So, I've decided. Next May, provided neither Johnathan or Elizabeth have soccer games, I am walking it. That should give me something tangible to strive for. It will take some hard work, but I think I can do it.

Life is Still Beautiful

I am feeling more and more like coming back to the blogging world. I may even pick up the hair blog I tried to start with Libby back before my whole ordeal with Transverse Myelitis began. I LOVE doing her hair. It is so fun. I love making her feel pretty and special, and it is our special time just for me and her. I have yet to decide about the food blog. I started putting it together but that's about as far as I've gotten. Things take longer to do now. I am getting faster at everything. But, still, baby steps, you know.

My beautiful Libby girl turned 4 on Friday. I have pictures, but have just been too tired to even think about uploading them, so my apologies. We just had a small family gathering at a local park for presents, cake, ice cream, and let the kids play for a bit.

That day we were also preparing to leave on another vacation. Saturday morning we left for a beautiful 3 days at Bear Lake. We camped at the Sunrise Camp Ground. I was unsure of how difficult getting in, out, and around a tent would be for me, so Libby and I slept in my parents' trailer with them, and Corey and the boys slept in the tent.

My parents rented a jetski one day. I have always been terrified of them. But there was one point in the hospital that we even wondered if I was dying. Believe me, I will never take my life for granted again! So, I promised myself that if there was some way of getting me onto that jetski, I was going to ride it!

I'm not sure if anyone got pictures to document the occasion or not. It was difficult getting up. At one point, I got into a position that made it physically impossible for me to move in any way, and Corey had to help me. But I got on. It took a little bit for me to relax, but it really wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be, and I think I will most likely go again. Getting down wasn't as difficult, but I did need the help of two people -- one to help keep the jetski steady, and the other to guide the foot that was stepping off so I didn't hit the propeller. I am pretty proud of myself! And I'm happy that Corey and I have something new to enjoy together.

Those days at the lake were beautiful. In places like that you can see the Hand of God everywhere, in every creation. I have been through so much this past year. And through all of it, I have felt my relationship with my Heavenly Father strengthen. I know He will never leave me alone, and I know He will never set me up to fail. I WILL get through this. One of my favorite quotes has always been "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." I am telling you it's true! I have never been through anything harder than this. It would be so easy to quit and just waste the rest of my life. But what would I get out of it? I would miss being all I can to my sweet kids. I would miss out on growing old and enjoying life with my husband. I would miss out on... LIFE! And life, though hard, is STILL beautiful.

Just Keep Swimming...

It's been a while again. I wonder if anyone even checks this blog anymore? It's been difficult to WANT to blog since my injury last year.

It hasn't been QUITE a year, but next month, August 20th will mark a year to the day. I still haven't decided how I will spend that day. I may be in DC with Corey. He may be selected to go back there for three months on a work detail. If he does, I will join him until just before school starts. Secretly, though, as much as we could use the money that would come from it, I hope he doesn't get it. I feel like I still need him here too much, and I'm kind of scared to be alone that much.

Back to the injury, most people know this, but I walked around and around my house for the first time in February. I still use a cane away from home. I do still have some balance issues, and it's helpful when I get tired (which still happens way too quickly), but I also feel like it gives people around me a signal that I am a fall risk and to use precaution around me. At home, I use nothing. I'm beginning to gain some speed when I walk, unless I'm tired. I've started putting myself on an endurance program. My goal is to get to being able to walk for one hour without a break. So far, I can go 15 minutes. I know, I have a long ways. But as Dory would say, I have to "just keep swimming".

A week ago, we spent some time at Lava Hot Springs and Yellowstone. Ironic for me because that's where I was a week before the virus attacked my spinal cord. It was kind of emotional for me. There were things that I couldn't do that made me feel left out. But there were other things that I was able to do with some help. I got in a swimming pool for the first time since my injury. That was an interesting experience.

Before I was able to get about waist deep in the water, I would feel top heavy. But, thanks to now having sensory issues, if I got down on my knees and went around the pool that way, the rough, cement surface at the bottom would feel like broken glass. We eventually did get me out chest deep, though, and that was so nice. My swimming leaves a lot to be desired, and I don't dare put my head under the water yet, but otherwise, I feel free in the water. And... I "stand" in the water as well as anyone else. In the water, I'm just like any other 30 year old woman.

The school that my boys attend does free lunch for kids during the summer. Recently, when we've gone, I've noticed another woman with a cane, who looks like she's around my age, and always has young children with her. I wish I weren't so shy. I would love to know who she is. Sometimes this whole thing can be lonely, when everyone around you is doing all the things you used to do, and you just want so desperately to do it too.

On to Crutches

I have been ready to move on to forearm crutches for a few weeks now, but we haven't been able to afford them. Along with our big medical expenses, we have also had to replace a toilet and a water heater, pay for Christmas, and we are getting ready to celebrate Johnathan's 9th birthday on Saturday.

So, last Friday I finally put my foot down. I feel like time is running out. So I told Corey to call it my early birthday present (yeah mine's coming up too). They were a whopping $100!!! I think what these medical supply places charge for stuff if ridiculous.

Anyway, I took my crutches with me to therapy on Monday and passed off walking with them, so I am now able to use them at home.

I think the big thing now will be to increase the amount of energy I have. I think that, in turn will help increase the amount of control I have in my legs and ankles.

A New Start in 2010

I had a lot of resolutions go unrealized last year. Many were through no fault of my own, given my recent health issues. This year I've decided to keep my resolutions to only a few, and make them things that I think I can reasonably do in the condition I'm in right now. So here is what I have in mind for the next year:

1- Learn to love and care for the body I have been blessed with. I want to lose the weight I've put on the past 3 1/2 years, adopt better healthy upkeep habits, eat healthier food, and be as active as I can be.

2- I want to be walking unassisted by the end of the year. I'd love to add some distance in there, but I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. So, I'll start by saying I just want to be walking.

3- Become more versatile in my cooking. I want to make incorporating things such as dried beans, barley, freshly ground wheat, etc a habit. I am actually working on putting up a blog that documents my cooking efforts this year. I hope to have that up in the next couple days so watch for it.

4- Now that we have made tithing a habit, I've decided I want to add something else spiritual. So, this year, we will make Family Home Evening a habit.

5- Learn how to keep a clean, organized home as a disabled person (it's harder than you'd think -- if I didn't have my mom helping me, my house would look a lot worse than it does).

What do you have in mind for the next year?

Amish Friendship Bread

One of my favorite authors is Beverly Lewis. She writes fictional stories about Amish and Mennonite families. I've always been a little taken by the Amish way of life. I don't think I could do it. For one thing, I'm a musician. Need I say more? But I do find their ways of doing things intriguing. Their quilts are beautiful, and their lives are so simple. And I imagine that most if not all of their food is homemade. So, when I was given a starter for "Amish Friendship Bread" last year, I of course had to try it. It was absolutely delicious! I had kept a starter for myself, but each time you go to make the bread, you end up with three starters! You are supposed to give at least two of them away, but after a while, you don't have anyone to give it to anymore. But if you give it all away the first time, then you don't have any starter anymore and you have to wait (and pray) for someone to give you another starter. So, I went on a quest to find out how to make the starter myself, and then to find out if there was either a way to decrease the amount it made, or to freeze it. I succeeded. I've got a serious craving for some of this bread right now, and am pulling a starter out of the freezer now so I can make some. So, I thought I would share what I know.

First you have to make your starter:

1 (.25 oz) package active dry yeast

1/4 cup warm water (about 110 degrees)

3 1/2 cups flour, divided

3 1/2 cups white sugar, divided

3 1/2 cups milk

In a small, non-metal bowl, dissolve the yeast in water. Let stand 10 minutes. In a 2 quart non-metal container (I just use a ziploc container or gallon sized bag). Combine 1 cup flour and 1 cup sugar. Mix thoroughly or flour will lump when milk is added. Slowly stir in 1 cup milk and dissolved yeast mixture. Cover loosely and let stand until bubbly. This is considered day 1 of a 10 day cycle. Leave loosely covered at room temperature.

On days 2 through 5; stir starter with a wooden spoon (or if you are storing it in a ziploc bag, then just give it a good smashing). Let the air out.

On day 6 stir in 1 cup flour, 1 cup sugar and 1 cup milk.

On days 7 through 9 give it a stir. Let the air out.

On day 10, pour contents into a large non-metal bowl. Stir in 1 1/2 cup flour, 1 1/2 cup sugar and 1 1/2 cup milk. Remove 2 cups to give to friends along with a recipe for Amish Friendship Bread (and this recipe for the starter if you wish. Store another 1 cup starter in a container and start the 10 day process over again. Once you have the 1 cup starter, you will consider that day 1.

I found out that you can also freeze this starter in 1 cup measures for later use. Frozen starter will take at least 3 hours at room temperature to thaw before using. Then you can use all three starters for yourself if you so desire, and you can freeze all of the starter if you don't want another Friendship Bread in the next week and a half and then use it when you want it. If you don't want to end up with tons of bags or containers of starters in your freezer, then when you take out a starter to turn into bread, do not add the flour, milk, or sugar on days 5 and 10. Just stir it each day. Then on day 10 make your bread. When you use your final starter, you can go ahead and add the flour, milk and sugar on days 5 and 10 and then have another three starters ready to freeze again. The starter can also be kept in the refrigerator for up to two weeks.

Using sourdough starters have wonderful health benefits because of the natural occurring yeasts.

This is the recipe for the bread that I received, but there are others. This one is my favorite though because it's so moist:

1 cup Amish Friendship Bread Starter (above)

2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

1 large (or 2 small) packages instant pudding mix (any flavor)

1 cup vegetable oil (I use canola)

1/2 cup milk

3 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

raisins, chocolate chips, nuts, dried fruit, etc as desired (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease 2 9x5 loaf pans.

In a large mixing bowl stir together all ingredients. Fold in the optional add ins that you want.

Bake in preheated oven until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean (about an hour). Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan.

In some of the breads I make, I like to coat the pans with a cinnamon sugar mix after greasing, and then sprinkle some more on top of the bread before baking. It gives the bread a yummy crust!

Now here are some of my favorite ways to make this yummy bread:

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 cup craisins, 1 cup chopped pecans.

- 1 large box banana cream pudding mix, 1 mashed banana, 1 cup chopped pecans.

- 2 small boxes white chocolate pudding mix, 1 cup white chocolate chips, 1 cup chopped macadamia nuts.

- 1 large box pistachio pudding mix, 1 cup chopped pistachios.

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 chopped apple, 1 cup dried fruit and nut mix, 2 tsp cinnamon.

- 1 large box chocolate pudding mix, 1 cup mini chocolate chips.

- large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 chopped apple, 1 cup raisins, 1 tsp cinnamon.

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 bag cinnamon chips.

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 chopped apple, 1 cup chopped pecans, 1 tsp cinnamon

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 bag dried cherries.

- 1 large box vanilla pudding mix, 1 bag chopped dried peaches.

- 1 large box coconut pudding mix, 1/2 bag chopped dried pineapple, 1/2 bag chopped dried mango